wearing the inside out
by Mia-Zeklos
Summary: "Magnus wasn't a big fan of going with the flow."


**Notes: My take on Magnus and Alec's first time together. When I started writing this, I already knew that I wanted to focus more on Magnus and the way he feels during that scene rather than the smut possibilities of the prompt because, to be honest, that was what intrigued me the most both during the scene in 2x07 and in the flashback that followed. So, this fic is the product of all of that at once. Hope you enjoy it!**

Magnus wasn't a big fan of going with the flow.

He thought he might have been, once. He could remember that he'd enjoyed surprises back when the world had actually been capable of surprising him, but it had lost its charm eventually. Even more so recently, too – most of the unexpected happenings in the last year or so had been less than pleasant, what with the war looming on the horizon, and he'd closed himself off completely to anything that wasn't fully in his control.

Still, that had been _before_ the war. And, more specifically, before Alec. To say that things had changed since then would have been an understatement.

So when Magnus found himself backed into his own bedroom by an overeager Shadowhunter, his first instinct was to pull away. This hadn't been the plan. He'd thought about it before – of course he had – but he hadn't planned on bringing it up for quite some time and Alec rushing into it like this wasn't something he'd even _considered_.

It made sense in a way, even if he couldn't tell what was going through Alec's mind. It had been a long time since he'd felt the curious trepidation that came with a new relationship, long enough for it to feel almost brand new again, but for Alec it was the very first time and he'd jumped in headfirst without caring about the consequences.

It dawned on Magnus somewhere around that point that it was possible that he was putting too little faith in Alec. The idea of the complications that could arise after this hadn't even _occurred_ to him, or at least so it seemed, because he'd laughed them away as soon as he'd realised that there would be no elaboration on them. And if he thought like that, then what was the chance of him actually acting on any of Magnus's worries, really?

It was still a risk. It always was, getting close to anyone, no matter how hard Magnus had tried to ignore that ever since he and Alec had decided that they would actually try and pursue a relationship. Over the years he'd learnt to read people so well that these days he could always guess how every move and every decision he made would end and he hadn't been ready for _this_ ; hadn't realised that the element of surprise that Alec had brought with himself since the very beginning could be anything but unnerving and ironically enough, his realisation had turned out to be just as unexpected as everything else in this situation.

There was no point in even trying, he thought. No matter what he did, chances were things wouldn't go the way he'd expected them to and for the first time in forever, that didn't seem like such a bad thing.

When Alec took another step forward – slightly more careful now that they were in his bedroom, tentative despite his blinding smile – Magnus didn't stop him again. He didn't even close his eyes, although the decision would have felt easier to make that way. No, he looked him straight in the eye and when Alec tugged at his jacket to take it off, the gesture clumsy and impatient, he didn't hesitate again.

 **o.O.o**

Magnus pushed Alec's hands away, unbuttoning his jeans and pushing them down his thighs without breaking the kiss. He pulled away only to take a quick, ragged breath and pressed his lips along Alec's jawline, hiding his satisfied grin there when he felt fingers tangling in his hair, pulling him closer.

"Magnus." Alec's voice was _wrecked_ , the breathless laughter from before disappearing in favour of short, shallow gasps that usually came from people who'd been holding their reactions back for far too long. He sounded overwhelmed already and the only thing Magnus wanted was to enhance that even more, his mind focused entirely on the task at hand. He pressed Alec's hips down with one hand to hold him still, relishing in the way his eyes slid closed.

He knew that there was no reason for him to be so careful. If there was anyone strong enough to handle a stray spark of magic or two, it was Alec and he'd already been more than welcoming towards every small part of Magnus's nature as it slowly came out in front of him, bit by bit. He'd taken it all in stride, too, and while Magnus had tried to pretend it didn't affect him too much, the idea had stuck in his mind, the realisation that this was something he got to have too sudden for him to be able to ignore it.

So he didn't. Instead, he threw himself into his task with even more vigour, helping Alec out of his jeans and settling back in the space between his legs as he leant forward on his elbows for another kiss.

It was different this time; sweet and slow and almost tentative and Magnus was immersed enough in it that he was almost taken aback when Alec flipped them over, breaking the kiss just so that he could trail his lips down Magnus's neck. He was taking his time, adding just the barest hint of teeth when he reached the base of Magnus's throat and started flicking open the buttons of his shirt. At any other time, Magnus would have appreciated the tease to the gesture, unnecessary as it was, but he'd spent so much time trying to be patient that he was tired of it already. Raising his hand, he snapped his fingers, Alec's sharp intake of breath bringing a smile to his lips.

The surprisingly cold air in the room hit his skin suddenly, along with a number of other sensations; warmth where Alec's body was pressed against his, the grip he'd already had on Magnus's biceps tightening compulsively at the unexpected change. It loosened just a moment later, exploratory fingers trailing down Magnus's arm as Alec gave him a questioning look.

"Warlock," he pointed out in an echo to Alec's earlier statement and the started laugh he got in response was worth it all; the anxiety and uncertainty he'd been trying to smother finally vanishing for good under the weight of Alec's eyes on him.

"Can you..." The vague gesture - clearly meant to resemble magic - was expressive enough for Magnus to get the gist of it. "With the rest of the clothes?"

Magnus faltered for a moment. "Are you sure?" There was a nod, followed by another kiss, quicker and more impatient than before. "Of course." With a nod of his own, Magnus divested them both of everything but their underwear.

For a fraction of a second, Alec froze, clearly surprised by the sensation despite his request. His breathing was still shallow, eyes fixed on Magnus's as if he wasn't sure what he was supposed to focus on, clearly conflicted by all the opportunities in front of him.

"Let me." Making his intentions clear, Magnus pulled himself up into a sitting position and pushed Alec back onto the covers. He felt lightheaded, almost as overwhelmed as Alec likely did and it was ridiculous - he was nothing if not experienced, but there was so _much_ that he could do; Alec's body splayed out in front of him in a way that he couldn't help but admire. One day, he knew that he would take the time to explore it – explore _him_ – more thoroughly than Alec had ever imagined was possible, but he didn't feel quite up to it now; the answering hunger in Alec's eyes enough to distract him from any plan he might have had about the rest of this evening.

Magnus felt as if his body was on fire, magic crackling in his veins with every touch. It hadn't occurred to him just how _easy_ it would be to lose control over it once he'd realised that he didn't have to hide it and while he could still see the way Alec's gaze wandered over his face, finding his eyes as if he still couldn't bring himself to look away and it was that endless, unspoken desire to know him that made this even better; made Magnus want to get to know him in return. It made him _want_ , period, and Magnus kissed him again, pressing Alec into the mattress and propping himself up on either side of Alec's shoulders so that he could get closer, impossibly so, and a moment later they were tangled up in an embrace once again, the progression of it so _natural_ that Magnus could barely hold his elated laugh back.

He didn't, at that, and the grin he received in return was enough to make him more certain about Alec - about all of this - than he had been at the beginning of the night; certain enough for him to be ready to take the next step without being quite sure where it would take him.

Alec, who still seemed to following every move he made, had clearly noticed the change and when Magnus made to stand up, he didn't hesitate. He reached for his shoulders and his touch was as assertive as it was careful; the look in his eyes a heady combination between determination and something endlessly _gentle_ that Magnus couldn't quite define. It had been there for a while whenever Alec looked at him, this mixture that he was trying to find a name for, but the way it made him feel was somehow different tonight. He didn't _need_ a name for it, Magnus decided, and maybe he never had. It was _his_ and this time, that was enough.


End file.
